Sunday, August 23, 2009

Depth of field Blogged about us!!!

Check it out!! Sexy Blogtime blogged about us!

Letter to Men

Okay, we know we shouldn't hate men... and we don't. We actually love men!  But being HOLLERED at is by far the most annoying thing a woman has to go through each and every day.  And we go through this at LEAST 50 times a day.  HOLLERER's are giving men a bad name!!!!  Okay, we know there are a lot of stand up gentlemen in this city but there still are a lot of douchebags out there as well. Like guys who spit on you because you won't stop to talk to him. And what do you do when you get spit on? What do you do...ignore it, get fired up, punch a dude in the face? 

NO NO NO. we will no longer waste our energy on these douche nozzles.   We've devised a letter, and we want our lady friends to print this out and carry it around with them. We also have it in Spanish because we don't want to discriminate.

Dear Sir,

If you are reading this, you have just "hollered" at a young woman, and this an act which is DESPICABLE AND REPULSIVE TO EVERY WOMAN ON THE PLANET.  Not only can I guarantee that this has never gotten you laid, I can guarantee it never will. Let me ask you what it was that you wanted from me.  A smile, a hello, a warm Hoo Ha?  Let me guess, women usually ignore you, roll their eyes, give you a dirty look, or tell you to fuck off, right?  If that's NOT reaction you want, then STOP talking to women in this manner.  

I want you to ask yourself  “What makes me behave this way?  Is it my cowardice?  My loneliness?  My insecurity?  My utter uselessness as a human being?  Or all of the above?"  If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then we know exactly why you do it:  It's for POWER. and you need power in your life because… YOU HAVE A SMALL AND USELESS PENIS.  Maybe even a micro penis!  (Wikipedia that) Listen, you don’t have to take this route.  A lot of lovely men with small penises conquer great tasks and get laid often. 

But hey, only your therapist can help you sort all that out.  The bottom line is: We don’t really care what you think.  So don't "pssssst" me because it's insulting.  Don't "hey mommy" me because it's rude.  And for the love of God, don't tell me "God bless you", because it's ignorant.  Why do you assume I even believe in God?  If I were an athiest would I be safe from your bullshit?  And STOP doing the "drive by."  It’s even more obnoxious than actually saying it to my face.  When you say it in my ear at the last possible second that's just you being a sissy la la.  So just KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.  

In conclusion, please take this free advice and catch up to the year 2009.  Stop hollering at women on the street.  Maybe just stop talking to women at all.  If you want a date, go on eharmony.  If you want love and compassion, get a dog.  And If you want to fuck, go fuck yourself.  Do you have any questions? 


Sign name here

And in Spanish

Estimado Señor, 

Si esta leyendo esta carta, es porque acaba de piropear a una mujer y esto es lo mas REPUGNANTE Y ASQUEROSO PARA TODAS LAS MUJERES DEL MUNDO. Yo no solamente le puedo garantizar que eso nunca le ha traído mujeres a a cama, también le garantizo, que nunca lo hará. Pero hablemos claramente sobre esto. Podemos empezar con lo que usted quería en favor del piropo; quizá una sonrisa, un Buenos días, una vagina calentita? Déjeme decirle, que nunca se le otorgaran ninguna de esas cosas, a usted, si sigue hablándole de esa manera a las mujeres. Déjeme adivinar, las mujeres usualmente lo ignoran o le dicen que se valla a mierda? Si eso no es lo que usted espera, deje de hablarle a las mujeres así. Es muy simple. Me gustaría que usted se pregunte a si mismo, porque se comporta de esta forma? Cobardía? Soledad? Inseguridades? Su existencia inútil? Todas esas cosas? Si contesta, si, a cualquiera de esas preguntas, entonces sabemos exactamente por que lo hace: Es para sentirse PODEROSO y necesita sentirse poderoso por que TIENE UN PENE CHIQUITITO. Muy chiquitito. Mire, no tiene que comportarse de esta manera. Hay miles de hombres con penes chiquitos que llegan mas lejos que usted en la vida y tiene sexo mas seguido. Pero quizá quiera ir a un psicólogo para que lo ayude con eso. 

El problema es que a nosotras no nos importa lo que usted piensa. Entonces, no nos diga piropos, por que es un insulto. No digas, "oye mami" porque es mala educación y por el amor de Dios, no me digas " que Dios te bendiga" por que suena ignorante. Por que tiene que asumir que yo creo en Dios? Si creyera en Dios, me protegería de sus estupidez e ignorancia? Y, POR FAVOR, deje de manejar al lado mio, es mas molestop que cuando me lo dice en la cara. CAYESE LA BOCA 

Escuche mi consejo y actualizase al ano 2009. Deje de molestar las mujeres en la calle. Quiza pueda dejar de hablarles completamente. Si quiere una cita, visite eHarmony. Si necesita amor y compasión, busque un perro. Si quiere sexo, valla a follarse usted mismo. Alguna pregunta?


firme su nombre aqui

Kelly and Lindsey Do New York: The Empire.

Hey Guys! It's Kelly and Lindsey and this is our Sexy Blog! Our love for one another started a year ago at an Upright Citizen's Brigade Improv 101 class and New York has not been the same since! We started our empire with our Two Single Woman Comedy Show, "Kelly and Lindsey Do New York: Literally" (Set in a time of need) where we sought out to save one clueless Douche bag at a time!  And we think it worked...  
Since then we've been busy trying new ways to meet men, spooning each other tenderly, and hosting a comedy night every Monday night at Bar Nine in Hell's Kitchen at 8pm.